Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
