need another drink. this is the easiest way
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
