I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
