I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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