smell my finger.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
