i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Randomize
