Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
