thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize