I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
