I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
