mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
