If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You left your phone here
Wait...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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