Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
