Kiss
Puke
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
