When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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