Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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