I wish i was in the wii world.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
