Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
