I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize