Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
