Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
