This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
