I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
