??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
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