I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
