ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize