Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i now understand why vodka
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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