I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
