i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
