He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
