Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
