I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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