trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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