I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize