last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
