I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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