strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
