Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
