Who wears a wallet chain?!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
