At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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