1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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