that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
