If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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