remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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