You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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