He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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