Quick, to the slutcave!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize