How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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