Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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