I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
