i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
