I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
