cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
there was a trapeze. enough said
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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