Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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