I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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