That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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