SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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