I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
As shirtless as possible
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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