i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
