Jerry, you need to find god
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
