i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
