You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
