guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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