I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize