I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
