you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
