You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize