Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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