where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Enjoy the penises
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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