yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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