OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
