He disabled his match.com account in front of me
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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