we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
