you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
