People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
sarcasm needs its own font
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
