I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
